Saturday, 17 March 2012

~Steele~ Amanda,

I'm heading back to the House now, love; so I can see you and pay my respects, but I just...I can't leave it 'till then. I'll be spending most of my time looking for...looking for Lori's we can give her just as respectable a treatment.

But I haven't treated you respectably at all, have I?

I've failed you; but then again, I'd failed you long ago. Before this blog started, we were so close, we'd talk, we'd fight, we'd laugh...but once it started, I don't know what happened. We drifted apart, and you drifted away. You started showing up less and less to dinners, and I started being at the House less and less...

I thought you could protect yourself. You were always the friend I'd never need to worry about, the silent, dependable one who had just as much of a chip on their shoulder as I did, who knew what was right, what was wrong, and didn't give a fuck what anyone else thought because you knew your judgement was the only thing you could go by.

I miss you. I have missed you. I did miss you. I missed your injury, I missed your long recovery, I missed you just getting around on crutches...

I missed you doing the right thing, for Sam, for Lori. Our lives had split, and have run in parallel, never crossing, never wavering, just stoically moving on with what we have to. I guess what we had to do just never...involved each other anymore. We just had other priorities. I always thought that we'd get out of the stormy seas and it'd be business as usual again, we could sit out on the balcony and grab a smoke, mercilessly insult each other, catch up, tell stories about what we'd been doing for the last few months, the sort of stuff that you just can't capture in written format. You were never great at writing anyway. You were always so focused on reality, to an extent that I could never match, even when I try to be grounded, I try to be moral, I try to be someone that can take care of their own. Your line just continued on its path, getting shit done, getting healthy again...

then your line ended.

I'll take care of Poe. I need an old crow in my life.

i just wish it was still you.


  1. You know, in the past, posts had been ended in a similar way. Had scared us all with the typos at the end, only to be explained away as Poe's pecking over the keyboard.

    I wish this had been one of those posts. I wish she was still here. I am sorry for the things that I've said, and I hope maybe her crow will help you cope. Goodnight, Steele.

    1. Don't apologise. I don't need it.

      Goodnight, Amy. And thanks.

  2. I think I found your friend. Or she found me however the fuck you want to put it.

    1. A part of me didn't think she died but on some level I was kind of hoping she had.

    2. ...So a eulogy for Lori is in order too, then. I'm going to miss her; she was (and is) a brilliant doctor, and a close friend.

      She's also just plain brilliant, and if you're on her bad side, acutely dangerous. Take note; we don't want any more injuries then there absolutely need to be.

    3. A eulogy might be premature. I mean she's technically still very alive. As long as she is there's always a chance she could revert into who she once was...

      ...pretty little lies ...hope.